"Cool story, Hansel..." "Thanks, Olaf."

Here's a classic example of errors in translation between Chinese and English...

In church on Sunday we met with the Chinese Stake Presidency in the Taichung Stake, and had a little Q&A session. They were giving all sorts of advice, and one piece of advice/caution was to obey the Taiwan traffic laws, and to be careful when driving motorcycles and scooters. President Ren, whose English is exceptional, went on to say, "There are buildings full of vegetarians...they can't think, or speak...they're just braindead...from motorcycle accidents." Someone from the back of the room quietly asked, "Do you mean vegetables?"

For those who aren't so hip to the Taiwanese geography, here is a map of the island of Taiwan. One the west coast-ish area, 2/3 up is a city called Taichung. We live in Feng Yuan, just northwest of Taichung. Taichung is the third biggest city in Taiwan, following Taipei in first place, and Kaohsiung in second. 

This was the most recent Chinglish fashion statement in one of my classes. Little shy Mary had on this shirt that reads, "Trans Erotic Mode." What that means, I'm really not sure. Also, in my little mini-kid class, there is this little boy named Charlie that wears pants that say both the words "naughty" and "sexy." You'd think if parents here knew what those words were really all about, they wouldn't put "sexy pants" on a five-year old.  

The Basic Reading Rock Stars 

Da Big Buddha

Every Buddha/temple/Boddhisatva/pagoda claims to be the biggest, tallest, or the oldest, and this one is touted as the biggest reclining Buddha in Taiwan. It is located in Taichung, right near us. His toes are HUGE.


Me caressing another Buddha


Jay trying to persuade a stone elephant to come home with us

Tainan

Yet another temple with a claim: the biggest temple in Asia I might believe it because this thing was massive. Not only was it big, it was scooter-accessible. We toured the whole grounds without even getting off our scooter.



Right outside the temple grounds were some "big rocks with writing on them," a must-photograph spot. I haven't gotten into the tree-hugger thing...rock-hugging is more my style.



We came across a Christian wedding in Tainan and stopped to take some pictures. Apparently 10% of the population in Tainan is Christian. Pretty high for Asia, I guess.



Workin' it at the Koxinga Shrine in Tainan




At the Koxinga Shrine in Tainan...but oddly enough, this man isn't Koxinga.

My favorite scooter brand 

Southeast Asia...my home for the past four months, and where I will be travelling in July. 

Worst Song Lyrics

So yesterday I made the mistake of listening to my Nelly CD, "Nellyville," and it sparked a whole blog entry. Have you ever listened to the song, "Pimp Juice?" Well, here's my favorite line:

"You're not Russian, so baby, why are you rushin'?..."
Pimp Juice by Nelly

Wow...if there's anything I can't stand, it's rhyming a word with the same word. Honestly. But it got me thinking about all the crappy song lyrics that are out there. So here is a list of songs that come to mind, along with the quality lyrics:


"You're out of this world, except you're not green..."
Nothin' Else by Justin Timberlake

Come on, Justin...I hope you're kidding.


"You got a...Prada...bag with a lotta...stuff in it..."
Gettin' Jiggy Wit It by Will Smith

Will Smith sucks. Period.


"Hold me like the river Jordan..."
Will You Be There? by Michael Jackson

What?


"They're justified and they're ancient, and they drive an ice cream van."
Justified and Ancient by KLF

I really used to like this song, too.


"Her placenta falls to the floor"
Lightning Crashes by Live

Placentas should not be allowed in song lyrics. Along with deep fried chicken:

"Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken?
Your best friend always stickin' up for you even when I know you're wrong
Drops of Jupiter by Train


"Only time will tell if we stand the test of time."
Why Can't This Be Love by Van Halen

Good call, Captain Obvious.


"You taste like honey, honey.
Tell me can I be your honey?"
Disease by Matchbox 20

Once again, don't use the same word to rhyme with. And I just hate Matchbox 20.


"It seems like everybody's got a plan.
It's kinda like Nashville. . .with a tan."
Lullaby by Shawn Mullins

Self-explanatory.


"Can you pay my automobills?"
Bills Bills Bills by Destiny's Child

Don't make up words, especially if they're lame.


"I don't know what's gotten into me,
but I kinda think I know what it is...
I think I'm in love."
I Think I'm in Love by Jessica Simpson

Uhh...I thought you just said you DIDN'T know what's gotten into you...but apparently you do. Make up your mind.


"Hip Hop Marmalade spic And span,
Met you one summer and it all began
Your the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby
Somethin in your eyes went and drove me crazy
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad,
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone
Fell deep in love, but now we ain't speakin
Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
Summer Girls by LFO

I had to put the whole verse because it's craptacular.


Well, that's it for now. As I listen to more music with my ears tuned in for bad lyrics, I'm sure there will be more. Feel free to comment with more quality lyrics...

Another fun picture pile of Taiwanese flowers. 

Five on a scooter...that's a new record. 

Peggy, the one in the pink dress, got engaged and we were invited to her engagement lunch. It was kind-of a mix between a wedding dinner and a reception. This picture was taken when the wedding party was coming around to each table to give us a toast. 

My new friend, the shrimp. 

Jenn, Brittany, Jay, me, and Michelle at Peggy's engagement lunch. 

More funny Chinglish. And pictures of Jay. 

Wendy and I in my Basic Reading class...note my hot Berhan staff t-shirt.  

My little Wendy Lu...deep down she's a rocker.